Monday, January 24, 2011

Why am I different

This is dedicated to my beautiful son, who has struggled with life and success because of being developmentally delayed. One day when helping him read and understands a assignment, he ask me why he was different?  why he could not just be a “man” and have everything his father had. He wanted to be a husband, a father; he wanted his drivers’ licenses and a job.   So Trent this is for you. May all your dreams and hopes come true, for your difference is truly what makes you strong and beautiful to me?   Love MOM

Momma why am I different?
What is wrong that with me?
Why my child are you afraid?
Everyone is different and yet they are the same
Have you ever seen the stars at night?
From far away the look the same
But when we look, each one is different
But they all shine the same way.
People are like the stars
From far away you do not see
But when we look closely  each of us is unique
Some have long and flowing hair
Some have hair that is curled so tight
Some of us are tall and straight
Some of us are short, it’s all the same
We are no more different then we are the same
The differences make us beautiful
Being the same is being human.
It does not matter, much to me
All are entitled to be treated with dignity  
When someone calls you handicap
Do not worry so much;
We are all handicapped, just in different ways
Each and every one of us are
Afraid to be different,
 And yet we hope were not the same.
So you are not different any more then you’re the same,

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Violence ;

I generally do not focus on my political beliefs in the majority of my writings, but today I want to focus on the ongoing violence and ideas of violence as a solution in our society. I have heard many say that the ads, movies, comments by our political candidates, and even the comments out of our own mouth does not influence others to use violence. I know in my own life those people who threatened violence, tended to carry out those threats in one way or another. If a person on the streets threatens or indicates violence towards another individual their intent is to harm that individual. Sarah Palins intent to do political damage to individuals by pointing cross hairs at them is pretty clear. I believe that yes she should be held accountable, and yes her actions and the media’s actions for even allowing that ad to air are responsible for the violence that occurred. I have been hearing things such as “well we cannot really hold her accountable because it was just an ad is an excuse. It has been an excuse society has used for years. It is excuses the media, video games companies and even individual people have used to cover their asses when someone finally acts on the violence they have seen been subject to and influenced by I believe we call it MOB Mentality.  Sarah Palin has many followers her ads, provoked a mob mentality. And she is responsible.
 We hear “well the individual is sick or a deviant in our society.” Examples such as the young male who shot up the school was a deviant; it was certainly no one’s fault.  I heard media reports of children who every day are subject to ridicule and shamed by classmates to the point that they are completely ostracized, and those doing the slamming , verbal and sometimes physical abuse of that individual, but yet when he or she finally strike back they are “ sick individuals”. Our  society is sick and they are destroying our young people, they are inciting violence on a daily basis.  In our world if you are different then you are shamed, and dismissed as less of a human being.  Parents allow it, schools allow it. OH “that is just kids, they don’t mean no harm.” But they do mean harm, name calling, slut bashing, gay bashing, and ethnic bashing, are all harmful and all dangerous and injure others. But worse yet when someone who has as much power as Sarah Palin does that, she is not just bulling a political opponent she is destroying a human being. 
 IT is our fault we accept violence as a way of life. We buy and allow children to purchase games and watch movies that depict violence daily. They can shoot police officers, other people, or play war and massacre hundreds, blood and all.  We drive cars on highways and scream when someone gets in our way, with our children in the back seat, We will say “ I swear, I should just run the bastard over, or someday someone should just kill the sob because he can’t drive.  Our society as a whole has lost all common sense.
 I will never vote for politicians who post an ad showing a gun site over an opponent. Martin Luther King said “I have a dream” and a nation listened, and he spoke of non violence of coming together and a whole nation was proud.  , Did the entire nation forget that he, JFK, and Robert Kennedy were killed because they were political candidates that someone somewhere pointed the cross hairs of a gun at? Do we remember the civil rights people who were killed because they were standing up for a political cause?  Violence has never been and never will be a single person’s act. It is the act of groups of political people who buy the gun and put it in the hands of people willing to kill for what they believe. When will the violence end?? When will we stop shooting and asking questions later? I believe that it will not be until every one of us takes the responsibility for our own actions and stops hiding behind the freedom of speech. I know that the law reads if a direct terroristic threat is made by one individual against another that that person can be charged with a crime, that the law needs to be extended to all of our citizens even the politically powerful ones.  It is called terroristic threats. Whether it is the words or pictures it should not matter. I believe Sarah Palin made a direct threat against not one but several of her political opponents. May have even thought the ad was funny, but knew that it would cause harm to another individual. How could she not know it? She knows how politically strong she is, she knows that the media hangs on her ever word. She is and should be held accountable.

Friday, January 7, 2011

My mother ate pigion pie and I ate frog legs too;

My Mother Ate Pigeon Pie, I ate frog legs too.
We are what we eat. I have heard that so much that every bite I take I wonder sometimes if I look like the cream puff or the cheese filled baked potato that I consume at an alarming cholesterol filling rate.  But at the age of 50 I have gotten to the point I do not care just how good my butt looks in a pair of jeans, as long as I get my coffee in the morning and my kick of carbs in the afternoon.  I am good to go and can do anything. Take it away from me and I will bite off your arm.  Puffy, chicken wings arms jiggle around the edges of my t-shirt, spilling out over my half sun baked arms. My arms sort of look like a loaf of baked bread coming fresh out of the oven, brown around the top, part and white and fluffy underneath. .  I received the half an arm tanning, from digging up Azalea plants the other day for a friend.  I guess I do look like what I eat, I suppose.
 Why I decided to write this piece is because the other day my mother and I were sitting around discussing the doctors cutting my fathers salt intake, and hers too.  And I realized that the story was more than the salt intake sadness of having foods taken away that you have eaten all of your life. Taken away at a time when you should be enjoying every bit of life that you can because at any moment it will be gone. Food was about my mother’s entire life, she was a housewife and cook for 64 years and she took pride in her cooking. People came from far just to buy her homemade cinnamon rolls and breads at the church bizarre.  They called her to provide sweets for funerals and weddings, for bridal showers, baby showers and any other event that was taking place in our small town.  Ma’s food was a spiritual event in our home. It also represented our economic status. We ate foods that we had on the farm, provided by mom’s garden, dad’s farm animals, and whatever was available.  No such thing as boxed this or that, cookies in a package or wonder bread. I as a child laughed at wonder bread; if you smooched it up it would stick to the ceiling when you tossed it in the air. I wondered how that could be bread. Then there was the oh so mouth watering smell of Tuesdays and Saturday morning when the bread was coming out of the oven.  We fought over the crust.
“For Lords Sake.”  (My mother always says that) “I am 80 years old and father is 84, what in the world does it matter if we enjoy a little salt on our food, so what our feet puff up and I have to put them up.” Mother said to me.“You know sis (that is what she always calls me) I ate pigeon pie a lot as a young kid. We lived on the farm and never wasted anything, actually it was really good. Grandpa would shoot them and clean the feathers and grandma would cook em just like a chicken and then make a cream sauce, my it was good.”
“ Mom I remember going down to the swamp and catching frogs and bringing them to you and you would fry up the frog legs and we scarffed em down like we were eating that penny candy , remember mom?” I said.
It seems innocent enough sitting there talking about the foods we ate, but underneath the banter there is a reason we ate foods that either now are non existent or have become gourmet (I love that word) It seems every time I turn around a gourmet food is coming on the market and inevitably they are always foods that the poor people ate because we had no choice. We wasted nothing.
My grandma, born into a family of all girls was very poor, during the early depression years she and her sisters almost starved to death.  Great –Grandpa drank a lot and mom told me that he would bring cornflakes home and that is the only food they would have to eat. So when my grandmother went to work at a very early age on my grandfather’s farm, she sat at the table and could not believe that they had an entire meal to eat.  She had not realized there were people during the depression that had so much to eat.
“Sis, grandma and grandpa lived on a farm when I was born, I did not know what it was like to go without food, and I never realized how poor we were back then.” Mom said.
I, and my years of growing up in large family on a farm knew what mom was saying.  I did not realize how awful my parents had it financially, we always had food to eat, and it was good food.  Fish from the river that ran behind my fathers land, frog legs and squirrel, deer meat, and best of all was the ring of liverwurst or kentuckalvash. Liver worst is grey in color and is ground so fine and then stuffed in the innards of the animal we had butchered.  Kentuckalvash was the boiled off meat of the rest of the pig, that would have been thrown away , because there was not enough meat to do anything with, things like the head and the legs, which was then ground and mixed with potatoes, and onions salt and pepper, stuffed in the innards and then fried up in the skillet.  I suppose now some chief somewhere will read this and say ahh  grommet , and the rest of the world will pay 100 dollars a plate for what we ate as kids because we lived in a time of waste not want not.
I am what I eat, I am a woman who lived in poverty and did not realize it until the day my mother said “I ate pigeon pie.” I look around my home and the foods I had as a child still permeated my kitchen with their wonderful smells.  Goulash, macaroni, tomato juice, hamburger, a little sugar , salt, pepper, a little mustard and wa la ya have a wonderful smell coming from the oven as you bake it a bit. Filler, as we call it, baked beans an l lb of hamburger and a few chunks of tomatoes. Potato salad, mustard, potatoes, salad dressing, eggs, a little sugar, salt, pepper, and kids fighting over who gets to take the left over’s home.  Milk gravy, brown some flour and lard in a skillet, add milk and salt and pepper, bring to a full boil as you stir constantly and throw it on some baking powder biscuits. Flour, lard, baking powder, salt cut together, stuck together with a little milk, flattened out and baked in the oven for 15 minutes and WA—la you have a poverty meal you will never forget.  Homemade bread tops the cake, no matter what poverty kitchen I have been in.  Flour, lard, water, yeast a little sugar and a lot of patients. Need I forget that we ate sardines like they were candy too? Oh and my most favorite food of all frozen hotdogs right out of the freezer. The way my mom tells it, it was dad’s favorite too. If he made a dime as a child he would go buy to hotdogs from the meat market down the street.  
You can call it gourmet if you wish, I call it memories of love and hard work and honest to goodness down right poverty. The kind of poverty that causes a person to realize how good life is when the smell of home made bread is coming out of the oven, and you can beat your brother to the crusty piece of bread at the end of the loaf.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I Ran Away

I ran away like a child on a cool spring night
I ran away from the horror, the guns and the knives
I ran away to a freedom I will never regret
I ran away from family that once I called mine

The floor, cold on my feet still sticky
Wet varnish, making the old floor shine
Catching my feet as if trying to hold them in place
I ran away like a child on a cool spring light

Your fists held me in your grasp, wrapped around throat 
 Red and sticky traces of me mixed with the grease
Your old pick-up truck kept better than me    
I’ll run away I scream, I will tell on you.  

The brass door knobs left undone, dull with tarnish
I grabbed at it as if it was gold, my escape.
The cold wet varnish could not trap me like the fly
Only my foot prints were left behind,
Like a child’s left on the fresh waxed floor

I’ll run until I cannot breathe, I’ll run until I am free

The two dollars for gas you gave me
Still lie lifelessly, on the pine wood table.
This time it would not take me to work
It would take me away or too my grave
Where I will lay lifelessly in a pine wood box
And you can bow your head and pray or I will get away


I ran away because of the silence and years of abuse
I ran away from the beatings, the anguish and pain
I ran away in a moment, and never looked back
I ran away, from the monster that caused all the shame.
I ran away like a child into the day,
Slipping quietly from the house
Bowing my head I pray, I ran away like a child
on a spring day.